A Relaxing Day in the Life of a SAHM

I hope this post will make you respect stay-at-home moms a little more. Just writing this made me exhausted, so forgive the lack of puns and dry humor. It was a lot of work just to get it written down :)

Here we go...

• 6:45 a.m. – Wake up to Tommy’s alarm, which he snoozes, of course. Fall back asleep.
• 7:00 - Wake up to Tommy’s alarm, again, which he snoozes, again.
• 7:15 – Tommy’s alarm a third time. Get up, get dressed, take a morning run (ok, let’s be real, it’s a jog on a good day) with the dog.
• 7:45- return home, guzzle caffeine. Feed the dog.
• 8:00- Crap the baby’s up and I haven’t showered.
• 8:05- ok, good, she’s still asleep. Shower
• 8:25- get dressed, dry hair, makeup. Clean up bathroom/bedroom.
• 9:00- Prepare baby’s breakfast. Pour milk, cut banana, slice bread.
• 9:05 - Get baby up, change diaper, get her dressed. Give her breakfast. Make mine. Eat.
• 9:20- Clean up breakfast, unload dishwasher, reload dishwasher.
• 9:40- Kiss “ouchie” and give time-out for hitting the dog.
• 9:45- Pack diaper bag for errands.
• 9:50 – Shoes on, out the door. Drive to Target.
• 10:10- Returns. Bathing suit section, laugh/cry.
• 10:20 – “Sit down! You can’t get out right now. Here are some pretzels. Please, for the love of God let me get through this store before you melt down.” Groceries, avoid toy section and aisles where “cookwies” are.
• 10:35 – Old lady in the Shampoo section gives me dirty look because my kid says “f*ck” instead of “frog” and I can’t help but giggle.
• 10:50 – High-tail it through the checkout before she realizes I bought more pretzels.
• 10:55 – Load groceries in car, deal with murderous screams when I buckle Roo in. Catch cart right before it rolls into a Lexus.
• 11:00 – Smell poop. Speed.
• 11:10 – Take baby in, change poop, wash hands, prepare lunch. Peanut butter on whole wheat with cucumbers. Realize my kid is so strange for liking that.
• 11:20- Realize you left the groceries in the car. Bring them in. Find baby covered in peanut butter and dog eating the sandwich.
• 11:25 – Tommy’s home for lunch! He busted in the door, which mad the dog pee on the floor. Oops, forgot to take him out when we got back. I get scolded by Tommy for forgetting.
• 11:30- Make Tommy lunch, give Reagan timeout for taking his sandwich from his hands.
• 11:35- Try to teach Roo that saying “AHHH!” is not the appropriate way to ask for a bite. Make her another snack.
• 11:40- Pick up the laundry and toys littered all over the floor. Kiss “ouchie” from falling off the slide. Put load of laundry in washer. Fold dry load from 3 days ago. 
• 11:50- Tommy goes back to work. Time to color so I can eat my lunch. Explain that we only color on the paper, not the couch. No, not the table either.
• 12:00  - Coffee from this morning must have been decaf, remake and drink fully loaded. Wipe the couch and table down, because apparently I was only kidding about only coloring on paper.
• 12:10- Another poop? Jeez, girl. Wash hands, resist cries for “pretzies” and “cookwies” but give mango and avocado instead. Thank goodness she likes every food ever invented.
• 12:25- The lawn service arrives and cuts the grass, which scares Reagan so she must be in my arms at all times. Practice sign language. Laugh a whole lot.
• 12:48- Practice animal sounds and vocabulary. Laugh a whole lot.
• 1:10-  Omg have I peed yet today? Pee. Reagan barges in and says “Mommy potty!” Privacy is a real issue around here.
• 1:15 – Realize my hair is far too long and always in the way. Make mental note to get haircut. Cut Reagan ‘s nails.
• 1:30 – Reagan is still hungry. Feed her again.
• 1:40- “Ginky, ginky!” “No, I’m sorry, no binky right now.” “WHAAAAAAHHH GINKY!”
• 1:45- Read books, sing songs, cuddle.
• 2:15 – FINALLY IT IS NAPTIME. Contrary to popular belief, this is not down time or “time for myself.” This is when the real work begins. It’s go time. But first, chocolate.
• 2:16 – Dishes from lunch, pots and pans from last night.
• 2:35 – Decide what is for dinner. Mmm…. Ok, thaw chicken, wash and chop potatoes, wash and chop broccoli.
• 2:50- Do dishes from prepping dinner.
• 3:10 – Transfer laundry, put away folded clothes, start new load.
• 3:25 – Take out trash and recycling, get mail, take dog out.
• 3:40 – Pick up toys, shoes, etc.
• 3:55 – Decide we have too many toys, decide to have yard sale. Realize we have no yard. Scratch that.
• 3:56 – Febreeze couch so it doesn’t smell like dog drool or crusty bananas.
• 4:00 – Vacuum
• 4:10 – Go through mail, pay bills, make new shopping list.
• 4:25 - Find that sock I’ve been looking for inside the couch cushions.
• 4:26 – Fold next load, avoid starting another, so as not to be too ambitious. Put away that load.
• 4:40 – Roo will wake up soon, so I better get the chicken in the oven. (I like to handle raw meat while she is asleep so I can get it all cleaned up while she isn’t hanging around.)
• 4:45- Take the dog out. I hope Tommy’s proud- I remembered, again!
• 4:48 – One more cup of coffee, I swear I will quit after this last one!!
• 4:52- Perfect timing- Roo is up. Change diaper.
• 4:55 – Put her hair in pigtails. Because I feel like it.
• 4:59 – Pretend to be bees.
• 5:06- Pretend to be frogs. (She is totally into acting like animals these days)
• 5: 09 – Dinner is done. Plate it up.
• 5:12 – Tommy is home, thank God. Actually no, that means more work.
• 5:14- Set table, get drinks, cut up Roo’s food.
• 5:20 – Dinner time. “How was your day? Stop throwing your food on the floor! Does this need salt? No, this is Mommy’s food, you have your own. Melo, stop begging. Did you do anything fun today?”
• 6:00- Clean up, put left-overs away, load dishes, clean pots and pans.
• 6:25- Put shoes and socks on, pack bag/load stroller for walk to the park.
• 6:35 – Head out for a walk.
• 6:45 – Arrive at park. Man, that weird kid is here again. He pretends to speak Russian to his Russian friend, but it is really gibberish. I know because I can speak broken Russian.. sort of.
• 6:49 – Kiss “ouchie.”
• 6:56- Give warning to stop throwing mulch.
• 7:20 – Leave park, head home.
• 7:30- Get home. Give Roo bath cause she is covered in dirt and mulch.
• 7:35 – I love bathtime. She could play for hours. Check facebook, “no splashing!” check email, “I said no splashing!” write a little.
• 7:50 – Ok, you are getting pruny! Dry off, get dressed, diaper, hair brushed, ears cleaned out, clean up bathroom.
• 8:05 – Bedtime routine begins: brush teeth, PJs on, hair up.
• 8:12 – Books, lots of books. 
• 8:25-  Snuggle with “Melmo” and “Goggie” and rock in chair with lights out.
• 8:30- Kissandwich from Mom and Dad, Dad tucks her in like a burrito and gives her feetsies a “teeckle” and I rub her back.
• 8:35 – SIGH. A break.
• 8:40- One last round of clean up.
• 8:50- Catch up on DVR shows while Tommy studies for work stuff.
• 9:45 – Make Tommy “late night” snack.
• 9:55 – Put those dishes in the dishwasher. Run dishwasher.
• 10:00- Feed dog again. Take him out again.
• 10:10- Facebook. Catch up with some writing. Photo editing.
• 11:00- Get ready for bed. Wash face, brush teeth, change into PJs, etc.
• 11:15- Sneak into Roo’s room to make sure she is still there and alive (I know, I have terrible anxiety about this and I check on her at least once every night) and put her blanket back over her (it ends up on the floor every night).
• 11:19- Make tomorrow’s to-do list.
• 11:26- Lock doors, lights off.
• 11:30- ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ :D